Let's Just Get One Thing Straight

I will never be a woman with the perfect hair, 
or the perfect skin with the perfect make-up, 
or the perfect body in the perfect outfit.

I will never have the perfect man, 
or the perfect children, 
or the perfect tiny dog.

I will never drive the perfect car, 
live in the perfect home, 
or work the perfect job.

I will never be the woman you want or expect me to become.
I will never take the path you think I should take.
I will never live my life the way you'd like me to.

I will never do or be these things because that is not who I am,
because your idea of me is not me,
because this is MY life.

Love is Everywhere

Let's face it, people, we are obsessed with LOVE.

And quite frankly, I can't think of a better thing to be obsessed with.

For me, LOVE is the answer to all the BIG questions. You know the ones I mean: why are we here? what's the purpose of existence? etc.

But I look around and see the mass-marketing and mass-consumption of LOVE by our society; driven by cheap and easy instant gratification and the never-ending search for the next-best-thing. And I can't help but wonder if somewhere along the way we missed the POINT?

Standing Still

I have always done life on warp-speed and tried to cram as much in as possible. Don't get me wrong, I still take time to rest and enjoy myself, but I've always got this feeling like if I'm not actively moving towards some goal then I'm not moving at all. And, like a shark, if I don't keep moving I will die.

In the past couple of months I've really been struggling with this. I've been getting restless and really, REALLY, wanting to do something, anything, that will help me get further down my path, but I can't figure out what I want to be doing. I keep getting advice about getting a job in the spa industry and utilizing my training. But my intuition keeps holding me back, it doesn't feel right. I love my job and I know there is something more for me to learn from it, now is not the time for me to be leaving.

And then my rational mind comes in with all its' helpful insights. Maybe I don't want to leave my job because I am comfortable and I really hate job hunting. Maybe I don't want to get a new job because I'm afraid of failing. Maybe... Maybe... over and over and over (I hate when it plays the devil's advocate with itself). They are all valid concerns and I took time to look at them all to see if there was any truth to them. And again my intuition kept telling me to take it slow and be certain, and I wasn't really certain about anything. Which led me down a dark tunnel.

I started to feel like I had failed. I had made too many bad choices and there was no coming back from the horrible mess I'd made of my life. I had become the disappointing child, which was always my brother's role until he got a really good job, got married and had the cutest baby girl in the world. This was new territory for me and I did not like it. It made making decisions even harder; would this just be one more regret? But I kept on going with my life. Being pleasant and engaged at work, hanging out with friends and family on the weekends, and generally having a lot of fun; but there was still this undercurrent of disharmony in me. 

Then a long-time friend asked if I wanted to grab brunch and pop into Banyan Books, of course I did! She wanted to look at tarot cards. Really? I said, Want to do a reading for me? haha... Sure! she said. Well, ok then! A lot of stuff came out of that reading, and some tears, but what has really stuck with me is that I DO need to go slow right now. This is not the time for big decisions or life changes, that was what the past 3 years were all about. Now it is time to chill out and stop rushing from one thing to the next, to just STOP. It's going to be pretty uncomfortable for you, she said. It already is, I replied. It's going to get worse. Awesome, cue tears.

The thing is, it's actually gotten a lot easier for me. Knowing that my intuition was right, as it usually is, and that not taking action is exactly what I'm supposed to be doing. A lightness of spirit has settled over me as I no longer have to stress about finding another job or another course to dive into, I get to enjoy the summer (if it ever comes to Vancouver) and my 4 day work weeks without guilt or regret. To be affirmed that what I already knew inside was right for me at this place in time has been so calming to my restless spirit.

The Pros & Cons of Being Single

Alright, there are times when being single is awesome and I am so glad to not have to deal with another person's shit because, quite frankly, sometimes mine is more than enough. And then there are other times when, well, when it just sucks. I'm sure there's a more eloquent way to put it, but I'm in a no-bullshit sort of mood, so let's just cut to the chase and say that it sucks because sometimes it does. You know what I mean, we've all been here. 

But, as always, it's a double edged sword, two sides of the same coin, however you want to say it. My mom, in her infinite wisdom,  would say that you can't have your cake and eat it too. And while I don't really agree with that statement I do understand what she's getting at, you can't always have it both ways.

And the thing is, I get it. I can't expect to come home from a long day at work and be quiet and not interact with anyone else until I'm good and ready to, and also have someone to cuddle into bed with. That's just being rude to the other person and no one wants that! There's this whole compromise thing, and well let's face it, sometimes that sucks, too.

When you are single you get the freedom to be as selfish as you want because there is no one else to think about but you. When you're in a relationship you have to think about how your actions will affect the other person. And then there's the balancing act of taking into consideration your happiness as well as your partner's. *Sigh* It's no wonder we all seem to have a hard time with this relationship-thing!

Also, on a side note, as I was looking for an image of a double-edged sword to make this post more visually stimulating for you, I got totally distracted by this hilarious rant! Here's the link, check it out because I think you will all enjoy it:

The Stupidest "Wise" Sayings Known to Man and How to Improve Them

Good Night!